So, I may have invented a new verb.
It came about after one of those conversations you have with your partner. One in which there is heavy negotiation. Of drop off, pick ups and mealtimes with smalls. One in which you finish said conversation with, “which part of your children’s lives would you actually like to participate in?”
Yep, one of those conversations.
Around the same time of one of these heated exchanges, a dear friend casually suggested a wee road trip. AKA Thelma and Louise style. And while I can’t remember which one was Thelma or which one was Louise, I do remember a childless convertible, Brad Pitt and an open road to freedom.
All of which made me want to go “Thelma and Louise-ing”.
And a verb was born.
In the early 90’s when this film came out, I had no mortgage, no kids, drove a 1973 Crown and was with the same guy I am with today. Every summer, we would Thelma and Louise together up the east coast. In his beat up old Subaru, he was my Brad Pitt and my open road to freedom.
But with the busy-ness of life. Our jobs, our kids, our dreams and our space. We sometimes kinda get morphed in to being something awkward. Where our buttons are fully exposed and we can’t help but press them on each other. Because we know each other so deeply. Because we can. And we become something dark. Something cold. Something awkward and uncomfortable.
My deepest desire when this happens is to drive away. Head to somewhere light. Somewhere warm. Somewhere heard.
On the back of my new verb, (and in a keen interest as to who gets Brad) I looked deeper into the movie. Moving past my glossed up version of girlfriends, glasses and selfies, are 2 women running from fire to fire. Ultimately driving off a cliff.
Making me think that stepping into my new verb may not be such a great thing.
When things are awkward, uncomfortable or dark – this is just letting us know adjustment is needed. Staying still, grounded and paying attention when conflict arises potentially opens for deeper growth and healing. Even when the dance of our intimate relationships gets tricksy. And exposed buttons are pressed repeatedly. When blame and defensiveness rear their heads. Especially when we want to run.
Think standing poses, core and bastrika breath.
I’m all for diving deep into your practice. Feeling rainbows flying out of your ears. Feeling the inner power and strength of your sankalpa ( core resolve ), begin to shine. As the body explores new poses, as the breath explores new space, as the heart explores new connection and as the mind re-discovers it’s innate knowing of love. Of light. Of spirit.
But remember where the ground is. Remember, you are here. The lure of the open road as exciting as it may seem will continue to present life’s lessons to you again. And again.
My partner and I re-visited our conversation a few days later. Neither of us had driven away. There had been no Brad. We had both had a little time in our own awkwardness. Our own dark.
Yet we journey our own long roads. To come back together.
Then we washed our beat up old Subaru for the first time in 2 years.